


A Magical Connection

by SleeplessInGeneral



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Hogwarts AU, M/M, and i mean, because I really had to write it, friedkin and amanda are best friends, icarus wants the d, im gonna leave it at that, let friedkin have a best friend 2kgayteen, why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-17 00:52:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14177004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleeplessInGeneral/pseuds/SleeplessInGeneral
Summary: It was Dirk's favorite time of the year. That time when everyone focused on exams, romance was in the air, and going to Hogsmead was just around the corner.It was Christmas.





	A Magical Connection

**Author's Note:**

> THIS WAS ORIGINALLY A JOKE BETWEEN ME AND MY WIFE AND I DID NOT HAVE TO WRITE IT. But I did.
> 
> The original idea had to do with Friedkin being a failed Slytherin and succumbing to Priest's toxic mentoring, but it d/evolved from there, so now there's... this. I might write the original idea one day. I dunno. Maybe.
> 
> For your consideration, the houses:
> 
> * Rowdy 3 sans Vogel, Friedkin, Todd - Slytherin  
> * Amanda, Tina - Gryffindor  
> * Mona, Farah - Ravenclaw  
> * Bart, Vogel, Dirk - Hufflepuff
> 
> As I write more for this AU I will add more characters as fits. And for now,
> 
> Allons-y!

It was Dirk's favorite time of the year. That time when everyone focused on exams, romance was in the air, and going to Hogsmead was just around the corner.

It was Christmas.

Hugo and Amanda, the least likely friendship Dirk could've thought of, were singing The Very First Christmas from SpongeBob at any given opportunity. The two fourth-years were hanging out almost all the time since Dirk and Amanda managed to talk Hugo out of talking to Osmund Priest. They just hung out all over the place, screaming SpongeBob references and songs. Jacob Vogel hung out with them a lot.

Mona Wilder was changing her hair color all over the place, green to red to white to green again, creeping up on people. Didn't work most of the time though. Bart always followed her around, squealing happily and babbling away.

It was overall looking like it would be a great Christmas. If only…

"He's a fool and don't I know it… but a fool can have his charms…"

_Shit._

"Wow, Cjelli," Farah said with a smile as she sat down next Dirk in the library. "I thought we were studying for defense against the dark arts, not literally the arts."

"First of all, it's Gently now, I thought we talked about it, Farah Black." Farah chuckled and rolled her eyes. As always. "And second of all, is it really any of your business?"

"You're singing bewitched, it is her business," Mona Wilder laughed as she passed by.

"You look like a demiguise with that hair, Lamia."

"I'll take it as a compliment, Icarus."

"Really, Wilder? A _demiguise_?"

"Icarus wants the dickarus." She smirked and walked away, leaving Dirk completely red.

"I'm so sorry for her."

"We've been sharing a room for a couple years now, I think I can handle Mona pretty well." Farah took hold of Dirk's notebook - a thing some muggleborn student back in 2001 got approved as school supplies - and started flipping through it. "This is your DADA notebook, right?" Dirk nodded and tried to hide his rapidly reddening face from her. "Yeah… wouldn't have guessed from how many sketches of –"

"Don't say that!" Dirk mouthed ‘he's right there' and turned Farah to the person in question.

Todd Brotzman.

"He's a fool and don't I know it…"  _shit._ "But a fool can have his charms… I'm in love and don't I show it…"

"Like a babe in arms," Farah completed for him. "Love's the same old sad sensation, lately I've not slept a wink, since this half-pint imitation put me on the blink."

Dirk managed to get his notebook back from Farah while she was singing. At least that.

"I'm wild again, beguiled again, a simpering whimpering child again, bewitched, bothered and bewildered –"

"Am I…"

"You know that song too?" Bart called from relatively near them. Just… great. Todd was so close to the table by now. "It's Icarus' favorite song! He always sings it when he's in love!"

…great. Just  _great_.

* * *

 

"Umm… Dirk? Is everything okay?" A slight shocking touch on his shoulder made him jump and turn to look at his offenders - the voice belonged to Hugo Friedkin, the touch to Amanda Brotzman.

"You're just… sulking. Todd's worried. Heck,  _we're_  worried."

"Nothing happened, thank you very much but there's no need to worry. Now if you'll excuse me –"

"Does this have to do with Todd?" Amanda was scary good at this. "Look, if he's done anything to you –"

"It's nothing, okay? Nothing. No thing has happened."

"Usually when somebody starts repeating themself it's because they're lying."

"…I may or may not happen to… possess certain feelings towards your brother, Amanda."

"And this is news how?"

"Wait, what feelings?"

"Hugo, you're adorable."

"So, for now, nothing is happening. You don't have to worry, Amanda. Trust me." Dirk smiled at the pair of fourth-years and turned back to his notebook, but got zapped yet again.

Goddamn Amanda Brotzman and her… condition.

"You have to tell him." No he didn't. "You really do. Todd is… oblivious at best."

"A repressed bisexual."

"That too, Friedkin. Yes." Amanda was getting frustrated. Dirk could tell. Her voice always started changing pitches like a pubescent boy when she was frustrated. "Why don't you just ask him out?"

"Because I can't, Amanda! I can't! He's my…"  _Crush. Horribly long time crush_. "Best friend."

"Oh, now I get it…" Friedkin smiled his signature awkward smile, which made the other two groan. "Can you feel the love tonight!"

"The peace the evening brings!" Oh no…

"The world for once in perfect harmony, with all its living things!"

"With all its living things!"

"You two are huge dorks and I am not talking to you about this anymore."

"Come on, Dirk…"  _No. Must not answer Amanda. At all cost._  "Todd likes you a lot. Probably more than like."

"Sympathize?"

"Since when is sympathizing more than liking, Friedkin?"

"I don't know. What's between like and love?"

"Never mind. It doesn't matter." Dirk kept hoping they'll go away. He terribly wanted to answer… and then Amanda leaned down to him and said,

"Just remember, Todd likes you. Keep that in mind."

* * *

 

"So… you just got that idea from a… tv show? How does that work?" Amanda was staring at some confusing diagram of letter connections and ingredients lists that Hugo was, apparently, quite proud of.

"I'll explain that again. So the idea is to start from the exact middle, and…" Hugo was off on a rant about some method called middle-out or inside-out or… whatever. "The general idea is to minimize the amount of time it takes to brew this potion, and if all ingredients react with each other, shouldn't this be the most ideal method?"

"…you turned your floor purple while trying to practice a potion at home."

"I know! You think I don't?"

"How in Merlin's beard do you think this idea could work?!"

"No shouting, Amanda." Todd sat down next to his sister in the dining hall. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm trying to apply Pied Piper's middle-out to potions class," Hugo said with a grin.

"Oh, cool idea. I might use it."

"You know about this, Todd?"

"Yeah. Farah watches Silicon Valley. It's kind of a really good idea."

"You should ask Dirk to the Yule ball." Amanda raised her eyebrows in a suggestive manner. Todd hated when she did that and she knew it.

"Where did that come from?"

"He's a fool and don't I know it…" The sound of approaching footsteps accompanied the singing. And Amanda could see Todd melt inside.

"He sings that every time he thinks about you. I know for a fact."

"I… I can't just ask my friend out. He might not…"

"I may be stupid –" Hugo declared.

"No you're not stupid, Friedkin. Stop saying you are."

"-But I do understand some things. Dirk gets all red and flustered sometimes when he talks to you. He gets red when someone talks to him about you. He doodles a lot while singing. And if that isn't love, I don't know what is."

"Ooh, that's middle-out from Silicon Valley!" Dirk dropped a notebook on the table and sat down on Todd's other side. "I like this idea. How would you theoretically apply it to a potion with an odd number of ingredients?"

"Am I the only one here who doesn't watch Silicon Valley?"

"Yeah, Amanda. Probably."

"Todd here wanted to ask you to the Yule ball, Dirk." Amanda wrapped a hand around Todd's shoulders. "What do you say?"

"…what?"

"Yeah, I… would you like to come to the ball with me?"

It took Dirk just ten seconds to look around him and then stand up and leave abruptly. Halfway through his walking-away-thing he turned back and went up to the Brotzmans.

"Yes. Yes I will."

And then he left again. Probably to sit with Mona or something.

* * *

 

Todd found Dirk in the Room of Requirement. They had a specific room appearing that they dubbed Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency, or Project Blackwing, depending on who was in that room at the moment.

Today it was the Holistic Detective Agency, with the addition of a piano.

"He's a fool and don't I know it, but a fool can have his charms," Dirk was singing, playing the piano. _And not noticing Todd at all. Great_. "I'm in love and don't I show it, like a babe in arms…"

His singing was beautiful.

"Bewitched, bothered and bewildered am I…" and he was done. And turned around for a second…

And was met with Todd. Staring at him in awe.

"Oh, Todd… you're here." He couldn't even look at Todd. "I'm sorry you had to hear that. I'll just… what did you want?"

"I was just… looking for you." Dirk's ears were turning red. Oh no. "You… sing."

"That I do, Todd. What's news to you?"

"No… you… you can sing. And play the piano. And…"

"Are you having a stroke, Todd? Should I take you to the hospital wing?"

"I just… I had no idea." The Slytherin sat down on a chair in front of the Hufflepuff, face going pale. "Amanda told me to… tell you. Before it's too late, and…"

"So it was Amanda?"

"Dirk, please. Please look at me." The boy sighed and looked at his – best friend? Crush? What was he now…? – still completely red. "You… are incredible."

"…you don't have to say that just because we're friends."

"Believe me, that's not why I say that. Dirk, I… like you. A lot. …by Merlin, that's a lot tougher to say than your fanfics would like to believe." Dirk gave him a signature half-smile, and things suddenly felt a lot easier. "I would… definitely love to take you with me to the Yule ball. And more than that, if given the chance."

"That's… nothing like you, Todd."

"…I may have also had Amanda help me a bit with that part." Another, now bigger smile. "She also suggested some Felix Felicis but I got away before Hugo could remind us all of –"

" – his general idea that it's placebo. Yes, I remember."

Dirk's hands were soft and warm and Todd absolutely loved holding them. And now was no different. "So… would you agree to far more than just the Yule ball?"

The kiss he got as a response was far more than he expected.

* * *

 

"Martin!" Vogel was jumping in place. He's been shaking in excitement all day. All week, actually, since the Rowdy 3 announced that they would be coming back to Hogwarts for the Yule ball as technical support, and Vogel missed his brothers.

Amanda kind of missed them too.

"Gripps! Cross! You're actually here!"

"It's good to see you, kiddo." Martin smiled wide as Cross gave Vogel a noogie and Gripps slapped him on his back. "And Drummer!"

"I missed you guys so much," Amanda said, a huge smile on her face.

"Hey…"

"Friedkin, kid," Martin called, the smile still plastered on him. "Good to see you too. Didn't think I'd actually miss you, Hufflepuff!"

"I'm not a Hufflepuff!"

"No, our darling Hugo is a manly macho Slytherin, now aren't you."

"…shut up."

"Old Man Francis is having a bit of a harder time lately, but he's doing alright." Martin swirled his wand in his hands. "So where's the others, huh?"

"Marzanna and Lamia are going to be here any minute now, and… I'm not sure about Icarus."

"Come on, Drummer –"

"I'm serious. I have no idea what he's up to."

"I wanna give my love to you all day," Hugo started singing to himself. "But sometimes I come up empty… My heart just doesn't hold charge the way it did not so long ago!"

"I wanna give you love the way you give me yours, so full and gently…"

"But my heart just isn't working right, I think it may have broke… It may have broke over the summer, when I let someone betray it…"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Incubus! You're here!" Among the crowd of students, a tall young man in a _pink fur coat_ suddenly appeared, slowly walking towards the five-plus-one. "Why are you here?"

"Technical assistance." Cross left Vogel and went towards Dirk, his hands wide open. And Amanda didn't know whether to laugh or worry for Dirk. "The fuck are you wearing, Gently?"

"You don't like it? I think I got it from Tina Teventino a couple days ago. I can't remember. I remember we had a lot of firewhiskey that day –"

"You got this from Tina Teventino?" Yeah, now Amanda was worried.

"She's really nice, Amanda. You're just not giving her a chance. I know she uses some dubious substances, but –"

"Is this Tina's coat, Dirk?" Todd appeared behind him, looking appropriately concerned.

God bless older brothers, Amanda thought.

"I'm actually not sure. Might be."

"Never mind. You're coming?" Todd held his hand out and Dirk gladly grabbed it, turning his back to his long-time friends. "I don't think I can face this alone."

"Who knows, maybe Mona will actually scream this time."

"What?"

"Never mind, forget I said anything."

And they were lost in the crowd inside the great hall.

"Shit," Martin said a couple moments after they disappeared. "I owe Mona now. I'm… broke."

"What are you talking about?"

A shout of "Icarus gonna get the dickarus!" came from the stairs, along with a rushing hair of bright red hair and a green dress. Behind that flurry of red and green was Bart, tinsel and fairy lights in her braided hair, joyously laughing and half-dancing to the great hall. Vogel let out a loud laugh and started jumping again.

"…I don't understand." All eyes turned to Hugo. "What did she mean?"

"You're lucky you're an innocent teenager still, Hugo," Amanda laughed.

"You are too."

"Let's go dancing, shall we?"

Eagerly nodding, Amanda grabbed her best friend's hand and ran to the ball… only to catch her brother kissing his boyfriend in a far off corner.

Yeah. Maybe pairing them before Christmas was a bad idea. She should've waited at least until Valentine's day.


End file.
